BEERARRHEA

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12:18pm 06/03/2005

mood:

near death

oh goodness. last night was farcical in nature.

i -split- a fifth of evan williams with natalie and drank some of davids so i essentially drank a fif. nothing too hilarious for a while, just outside acting like a baby over the hot southern girl that was there. at one point the night descended into me stripping off my shirt and just wearing a leather jacket with no shirt on underneath. this predictably led to me being drawn on all over my torso. mackenzie drew a chain with a cross that said "i heart god", kat drew a heart that said "mom", natalie wrote something about cherubdom, someone drew a weird star around my bellybutton and hearts aorund my nipples, and peter starrs drew a "rad tattoo" of a skull on my arm and a large cock on my back. at one point i puked off natalies porch and then kept partying. david stepped in shit and thats when i decided to make mackenzie take me home. i went straight to bed, or so i thought. aparently i said this to yoni, as well as some other funny shit to other people:

nefffffffffff: they drew all over me

Auto response from HyperzoneY: SpankTraVision

nefffffffffff: im drnk
nefffffffffff: and ive got sharpie all over me
nefffffffffff: they took ADVANTAGE OF ME
nefffffffffff: arugh of me

wtf is arugh of me? its like me grunting ONLINE... aparently i have reached new levels in drunken lunacy.

i woke up thismorning and tried to recap the night, unfortunately im functionally retarded. now im gonna go do homework -- going to private school rules!

12:11pm 05/03/2005

mood:

horny

so last night i wasn't gonna go out because im sick, but then derek offered to pay for my alcohol so i basically had to go out. we were at kinnear and i drank a 40 and some sparks and some wine and some beer. it was fun, and then peter and i thought it would be a good idea to throw one of the picnic benches off of the side of that little pagoda thing above the bathrooms. everyone booked it and yoni and derek and i kicked it at my house. it was jolly good then we passed out. now im gonna go to the bank.

mid winter BREAK it down
		10:46pm 27/02/2005
	friday - drank some with eebs and ended up at nigga seans house. </div> saturday - ??? can anybody fill me in? im at a loss. >sunday - went back to sean's house with david and vanetta. natalie and her posse showed up. none of us were really wanted so we bounced. david and jesse and i drove around looking for shit to do but the night was cursed. monday - kicked it at natalies house with some fools. got drunk, fell over, fucked my knee, ripped my pants. tuesday - party at connors house in capitol hill. it was kinda awkward because i didnt really know anybody there. some jerkoffs stole most of my beer. wednesday - got drunk in kinnear. thursday - drunk at mackenzies house. played some poker. acted a damn fool(sorry ariana), and most importantly beerbonged some death mix (OE, beer, sparks, and fortified wine) friday - drank at brents dad's house. saturday and sunday - didnt really do anything. hung out with natalie during the day on saturday, then went to bed early. sunday i went to an 'oscar party' with my mom and a bunch of her friends, it was great. selma hayek was about the extent of my excitement for the weekend.
		Read 5 - Post

a victory on all fronts

12:59pm 25/02/2005

mood:

(still) drunk

omg wtf was last night!?

it started with a phone conversation:

yoni: "jordan, we are on our way. we have the 40's and the sparks, as well as some assorted hard alcohol and a bottle of wild irish rose."
jordan: "sweet. ill be ready when you get here."
yoni: "oh and jordan;"
jordan: "yes?"
yoni: "you're bringing the beerbong."

oh yes. it was one of THOSE nights...

they dipped thru and picked me up then we headed over to mackenzies. we got there around 9:30 and opened up the secret stash in the back of vanetta's car. there was SO MUCH alcohol in it, even i was astounded. we kicked down the fucking door of mackenzies house and started drinking like there was no tomorrow. the night started out fine, i beerbonged a pabst, then drank my forty most of the way. then i made a sportie out of it (poured my can of SParks into the half empty fORTIE). then i beerbonged some of that. this is when the night began to turn in the drunk-gods favor. i drank a fair ammount of parrot bay, and then yoni beerbonged some oe, sparks, parrot bay, and coca cola in one vile mixture. not one to be outdone, i took a run for my money with the panther, only my concoction was a melange of (mostly) wild irish rose, (a fair ammount of) the end of my sportie, and (a dash of) pabst. we then polished off the parrot bay and kicked it old school for a while. at some point i cut my thumb on my beerbong (which i fixed thismorning) and got blood all over myself. this is where the night gets fuzzy. we played poker, and then somehow i got home. i woke up thismorning at noon still piss drunk, and ass naked (again i know wtf, why arent girls as awsome as me?) and i didnt really know where i was. then i realized where i was so i went downstairs and made THE MOST AWSOME MORNING AFTER MEAL. i took a frozen pizza, and made nachos on top of it. it was like a flavor frisbee. we had: pizza crust, tomato sauce, cheese, chips, more cheese, more of another kind of cheese, and sriracha sauce.

as i said earlier: a victory on all fronts.

02:28pm 22/02/2005

mood:

hungover

It was quite a night last night. Natalies parents were gone, so i went over there with two halfracks and a bottle of wine and kicked it with her and like 6 other girls who i didnt really know. the night was dull for a while, then the crazyness began. first, i was walking up the stairs and tripped and fell up them and got a fat rug burn on my left knee. then when i was going outside to meed up with david and vanetta and it was dark and i misstepped and fell down some concrete stairs into this retarded ditch thing on the side of natalies driveway. i scraped up my other knee and my hand pretty bad, and i hit my head on the side of her house. then most of the girls left and and it was just natalie and david and jessie and i. we got even drunker, shotgunned a few beers, tried to get natalie to shotgun but she failed miserably, and then the drunkdialing began. the people called included but were not limited to: ariana, sarah maclean, chris mead(i know, wtf?), yoni, mildred, lisa, chris hennings, higgins, emma, derek, anna lindberg, and monica. we bounced at about 3 when natalie went to bed. jessie drove us around and david and i would jump out periodically to dump over a garbage can or something. at one point david ran and grabbed a huge orange reflective sign that said "narrow bridge" and then realized that he didnt want it. i woke up thismorning with it IN MY BED WITH ME. not quite sure how it got there. this is my concluding statement.

01:15am 19/02/2005

mood:

drunk to the maxxx

so i forgot to update earlier. on tuesday alex and i sat in my basement and played GTA san andreas and drank 40s. then at midnight when i turned 18 i went up to 24-7 (7-11) and drank more beer. syke i actually just bought some cigars and cigarettes and a lotto ticket. it would have been itght if i won but i ddint. anyway. tonight is friday end of the quint woooooo shit. the night started with playing some baxketball.... errr watching thge NWS basketball game and eating free pizza. then i wlaked to kinnear and i was alone so then i was like eebs wehre you at so he holla'd back and showed up with like 16 pabsts in his backpack which the two of us split. then derek called and was like "HOUSE PARTY AT NIGGA SEANS HOUSE!!!!!!111" so i went there and drank helllllllla of erika's captian morgans which was tight cuz it got me drunker. then i came home. therese and elliot and erika and kjell and andrew and maya and derek and suzye and conrad and eebs and i were there. emma was gonna come but she didnt because she didnt want to deal with anybody but me because im a playa. so i just got drunker and kinda high from the hotboxing of seans room... then i came home and wrote this. full fuckin circle dude.

18th birthday bash

03:25pm 13/02/2005

mood:

hungover

the night started at about 10:20 when i cracked my pint of jagermeister and played a game of pool with neeley. before i knew it there were quite a few more people there, ben was rolling a blunt, and my drunkenness was "moderate." this was the point where we got kicked out of the house the first time, and the night really got rolling. I began walking off alone hoping some sort of adventure would befall me. i got about a block away before neeley called me; aparently a house like 2 doors down was willing to let us move the party there. it was some weird hippie den, but they were letting us drink and use their fooseball table so i didnt care. after a while they had to have a hippie meeting and kicked us out, but not before giving me a raw potatoe for my birthday. we went back to the first house and by this point i had finished my pint and my drunkenness was "elevated." i spent another hour or so stealing swigs of peoples drinks, socializing, and forcing people to take bites out of my birthday potatoe. at some point natalie gave me a bloody nose. we got kicked out to a lesser extent again, and the guy whose house it was started talking about beth being hot, so neeley got a few people out of the party and called the cops on the house. fortunate as i am, i was one of the people he got out. now my drunkeness is "severe." we then dropped off natalie and made a b-line for kinnear. on I-99 i realized that everything i had been consuming wanted out, and it didnt want to take the time to go the normal way, so i did the only sensible thing. i opened the door and leaned way out and puked -- no time to wait and stop the car. we hit kinnear and ambled around for a bit, then i went home and passed the fuck out. woke up thismorning ass naked and still shit faced. while putting my pants on i found the core of my birthday potatoe. it was all brown and nasty from having been in my pocket all night and it made me wonder why people at it like an apple. it's a fucking potatoe, theres nothing on it you cant eat. in any event im really hung over now and have to do homework.

as you can tell i was rather drunk, and if i missed anything feel free to make a post detailing what it was i left out.

08:23pm 22/01/2005

mood:

tired

Went up to bellingham last night with david to visit his older brother. it was pretty sweet. the night started off when we got back from costco with a 30 pack of coors light. started drinking then went out to see erik's ex girlfriend, who just happened to have an amazingly hot co-worker lindsay. we went back to the house and started drinking heavily, with the intention of getting me pissed and then going back to the restaurant so i could hit on the hot one. we later found out that "she doesnt date highschoolers." in any event, we ended up going to a party with about 30 or so people. I saw some NWS alumni there, which was bizarre. i was really drunk at this point and went upstairs. it was dark up there and there was a pretty attractive, not to mention pretty drunk, girl hanging out so i started working the ol' neff magic. things were going pretty well untill she had to go make a phonecall. she told me not to go anywhere, and walked into the light. thats when i noticed the massive glistening cold sore on her lip. when she left the room i decided i'd rather not get oral herpes and bailed the fuck out. we left the party and went to the taco bell drive through. there was a car of mexicans ahead of us who were taking like half an hour so gimpy pat, another of eriks friends who happened to have a spraigned ankle, gets out of the car, hobbles up to the drive up window, and starts bitching at them. we got our food, dropped pat off, went back to the house, and all passed the fuck out at about 3. the end.

10:23am 17/01/2005

mood: hung over

so last night i met up with hella fools in kinnear and split a case of rollin rock with neeley and david for neeleys 18th. again, nothing too eventful happened. we eventually migrated back to my house and were being SUPER loud and my parents didnt wake up. which was sweet. ate some pizza and played some poker. when i woke up thismorning i had mad beer-bowels and there was beer paraphanalia scattered alllll around my basement and neeley was passed out on the couch. i had to clean a bunch of it up, and then neeley woke up and was like "i think that 33 oz can of japanese beer is still in your fridge." and i was like SHIT. so i had to go up and sneak it into the basement, past my parents who were standing in the fucking kitchen. it was hella stealth. then i came downstairs and started writing this shit up in here.

12:16pm 16/01/2005

mood:

okay

ok so i ugess the livejournal server has been down for a while no so i finally get to update.

thursday: went to alex's and got drunk at watched the big labowski. nothing too exciting.

Friday: poker night at my house. drank lots of gin. nothing horribly hilarious happened, i just got mighty wasted. lots of fools came and kicked it. not much actual poker playing. at one point i passed out on my stairs. then passed out with a glass liquor bottle as a pillow while alex and derek were playing cards. alex did a good job being responsible and cleaning up, because i was very much beyond my own ability to do so.

gimme some black pussay!!!

02:43am 08/01/2005

mood:

drunk

well shit. i sure carpe'd the fuck outta this diem.

its been a successfull friday. im drunk. we got out of school and i ended up not hanging out with laura like i was supposed to. then i went out and met up with peter and ellito and kat and emma at malenas taco place. we went back to kinnear and kicked back a few fotays (forties) and got our kinnearic energy up. ask cecilia all about htat shit fuckin physics and shit. so then we came back to my house and had poker night like real badasses. then we went back out to kinnear(my home away from home) and drank some more and met up with david and mackenzie. peter smashed the windshield of some car with some sign. then we came back to my house and made hella food. im sure im forgetting something but it was a thuroughly badassed night, like always whenever im involved. all sorts of hitting on emma and what not. im sure ill remember more and say more about it tomorrrrrow in the am. or today ina few hours. shit what time is it? ooh and i drew these pictures.

http://img133.exs.cx/img133/9875/house6ms.jpg

http://img133.exs.cx/img133/5691/bananer1fl.jpg

07:53pm 05/01/2005

mood:

thirsty

In the year 2005 I resolve to:

Bang the girl who lives next door.

Get your resolution here

i dunno. that one across the street is pretty hot. ask elliot, he agrees with me.

11:30pm 03/01/2005

mood:

drunk

http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=6989734

that bitch is so ugly!!!!

oh shit im drrrrunk. i was chillin at home avoiding homework when i talkeded to emma online and hse was all like yo nigs im goin to alex's to watch a movie and im lik eaight im tryin to kick it so i get a ride from the bitch and alex starts drinkin all this leftover beer from new years and im like shit im tryin to get some and and hes all naw dog so then about half way through this movie we were watchin (unbreakable with bruce willisucks) hes all like so dude i just remember this rum (monnnnnarch bitches. quality shit.) i have and im like tight hook it up an dhe brings this almost full bottle of rum and im like shiiiit so i finish that and we watch this movie and then we molestered emma some and then i got a ride home and now im tryin to do some homework. peace bitch.

07:27pm 02/01/2005

mood:

horny

so heres the plan. im gonna start just writing about weird shit that happens to me when im drunk or maybe high. just incase i forget or something.

so its 2005. on new years eve a homeboy and i split a case of milwaukies best ice ($9, roughly 37 cents a can) at caitlin mcmonagurgles house, and then headed over to bikracky... ooh and i also drank some cuervo and a shot or two of jack. the fireworks were stupid as usual, and just about everyone ditched me to go all the way out to kats house in bellevue because they are retards. then peter and laura and maxine and margie and i walked to my house which seemed pretty quick to me but they complained a lot because i was quite well shit-housed and i might have gotten lost at one point or another. and peter and maxine walked off to do their thing and i kept having to stop to get with laura. when we got to my house peter and maxine were there already so we kicked it and played poker and drank a little more and shit, then i walked them back to their car all the fucking way back at caitlins house. on the way there i climbed up on the kens market sign to change the letters around and ripped my pants basically in half through the crotch. it was glorious. got home, drank my last beer, and went to sleep.

all in all a decent night and good start to the new year.

	dickmagnum
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